STUDIO83

My maths teacher at school was from Khazakstan. Ok not really, but he taught in a foreign language that could possibly pass for Khazakstani.  Two things are important about that fact. One is that my maths teacher was a man and second is that he spoke another language, maybe nor Kazakhstani but a maths language I didn’t understand. That sums up the relationship between men and women. They speak a different language. Another thing I remember from maths is that I sucked at one of the pivotal sections we needed to know:  equations. I know what you thinking, what the fuck do equations have to do with love. Well, everything.

Because when the Lox (yes that early 90s music we used to call hip hop) said that money, power and respect were related, he knew what he was talking about. What he didn’t include was sex and love were also part of the equation. Probably the most important equation we will ever have to master.

So after countless episodes of Sex in the City and a little Love Jones, I’m going to try break it down to you. What little I can remember from equations is that you have to work on the one side of the equation first. There is love, sex, money and power to consider at this point. Sex and money can invariably summed up into one word –Power.  A friend of mine says all men buy ass whether its in the form of the Oxford Road ho or the Sandton kugel he takes to dinner. He is wrong. All men try to buy is power. They need to feel like men, they have been emasculated by women who are smarter, run faster earn more and are generally better evolved human beings.

The same friend says that all women want is a rich man who she can say “sicela airtime baby”. Again he is wrong. What women want is the feeling of being kept safe and being looked after.

It is in our biological make-up, we are physically smaller than men. We need someone who can look after our offspring so the species can continue. Its just been distorted by the ugly sugar daddy’s that buy airtime for 12-year olds whose pre-pubescent brains cannot get past Brooke marrying Eric again let alone understand the meaning of love. Money has been equated with the feeling of being taken care of. You see, girls and boys are schooled by television.

But we cannot blame them. Missing fathers can hardly teach a boy how to be a man or a girl how she should be treated. And there we have the ultimate darkie problem – our parents have been so busy working (pre 1994) to make a living and now (post 94) trying to accumulate wealth that there has been no time to teach us the lessons we need to learn to become well-adjusted adults. It is a social problem on a macro level. Not that the white folk are well adjusted, but that is a topic for another day.

A few weeks ago Lolly Jackson (he of Teazers fame) said that black people didn’t need to come to his club “since they have two girlfriends, one at home and one in the rural areas already. He also said that black people just take a shower after sex like the former deputy president.

Not many black people spoke out against our dear friend Lolly. The easy way out would be to say there is an element of truth in his statement. But even wih my limited knowledge, I know that not all men are the same and there are a few good guys left (I hope). So what is love and how does it relate to power? Love is a social construct, a belief, something that one man can put his head on a block for, while another can swear it doesn’t exist. In this day and age it is often bought, stolen and borrowed.  Power is the great or marked ability to do or act; strength; might; force. Funny those words can be used to describe love too. That said, I also know that I don't know shit. What I do know is that my friend’s wife died this month, she was in her thirties. You can be healthy one day checking out the honeyz or hot guys at the club and the next minute you are gone.

Yeah there are some nasty pieces of wanna-BEE assholes calling themselves men out there. Yes you going to fall for their “baby I just wanna hang out crap”. You even going to fall for their “baby she means nothing to me”

and they might even tell you that they love you.  We live at a time where women have never been more able to choose their relationship status without the stigma of being called a sad spinster. My words of advice: Write off the bad man and don’t make the same mistake twice. Don’t give him ass on the first night if you can’t do one night stands. Above all, life is short.  If you take anything from that statement, take this. Love like power is a doing word. Go cry, sleep and drink (not too much). But get over it and go live for the sake of the species. If that fails you can always learn how to speak Khazakstani, I’m told it helps!