I remember there was a point when I was not afriad of dying and I lived like everyday could be my last day. I was young then and life was beautiful ... im not that boy anymore - sometimes it saddens me what I turned out to be like now. Im too coutious now - if I would talk to my younger self right now ... my younger self would be disgusted ... I've turned out to be exactly what my young self didnt want to be.
Another question is how did I end up here? What happened to that fearless boy? ... That boy got shot - that boy got installed with fear from the world where he resides. That boy was made to believe that the impossible is impossible - why bother change the world, his self esteem went from high to low ... he started questioning things that didint matter to him before. And since they didnt matter ... he didnt have the answers to those questions. He just didnt know ... its times like these when I miss my dad the most - because atleast he would know something ... since I'm the one thats lost. And I need to work it all out in this lifetime ...
Somebody said childhood is God's gift to human kind-then life is the greatest , no worries and no stresses and one hopes the lil gal or boy lives forever.
There are days i wake up and there she is screaming to be fed so that she can come back , and i find myself yearning for her to come back .,....then it hits ...the lil girl would not survive in my present day .
Aha! Yeah that boy is sometimes is not ideal. I feel better now :)
very glad